put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
