I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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