mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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