I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
