so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Shame - the story of my life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
