Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
