this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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