Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
