Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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