Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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