I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
