Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
