I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
