You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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