I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
