It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
