I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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