I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
