And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
