I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
