She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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