did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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