Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
