My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
