Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
