The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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