he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
