Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
