Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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