1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
