He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
