Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
