Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
