And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
