There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
