2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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