Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
