The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
