He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You work out of a Hotel?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
