hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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