Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
