I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
