Redeem this text for a blowjob
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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