He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is wine microwaveable?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
