So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
