You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
