Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
