You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
