8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
