Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
