I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mom said you looked used
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
