Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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