this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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